We began hooking up June 4th of our junior year. Nothing was supposed to come of it. No strings attached, no commitment, no emotions. 

Yet, as the summer went on, we became closer and closer. By August we were best friends, spending every day together, and starting to care much more about each other. 

At the beginning of our senior year, he dated a freshman for three weeks. I can’t excuse his behavior and I can’t explain why I took him back after. Perhaps it was because I was in love, even though I refused to admit it. 

We continued to become closer. By December, we were saying I love you and always together. On December 21st, we finally admitted that we were romantically invested in whatever we had. We still refused to date because we were so close to college. 

On March 13th, he had sex with his ex girlfriend. And again, I can’t imagine why I still wanted to be with him. I’m not sure- I just knew it was something important. And if I believed he didn’t love me, it would have been a different story. But I knew he did so I refused to go down without a fight.

We started dating on April 25th, one month and a few days before our one year hookupiversary. We were tired of avoiding what was right in front of us and we were tired for hurting each other because we were so much more emotionally invested than we wanted to admit.

The next few months were the best of my life. We fought, laughed, screamed, cried, partied, danced, sang, smiled, and fell more in love with each other. Every step of the way was intense and dysfunctional but I loved every second. 

Then as we prepared for going away to school, we broke up. We’re 14 hours away and so impractical. We did what any two normal 18 year olds would do: get single and go hard. 

The next few months were hard on our friendship, we both still cared about each other as more than friends and we couldn’t seem to find the right balance. He realized that he didn’t want anyone but me, but I’m too stubborn. I said “you wanted to be single, not me, so that’s how it is.” He didn’t hook up with anyone and decided to show me that even though he had a sketchy past, he was there for me to make it work. 

This is the part I don’t like talking about because I still feel so badly for hurting everyone involved. I fell in love with someone else at school. It was so thoroughly different than my love and my relationship with him and I was starstruck. They both knew about each other and still managed to put up with me. I won’t regret falling in love because at the moment it was what I needed. But I will always feel badly for hurting my love the way I did. It killed him inside everyday. 

As time went on, I couldn’t handle both anymore and I had no clue what was right for me. I had to choose between impossibly difficult/passionate and calm/stable. So after thanksgiving break I told my love that I couldn’t talk to him for two weeks until Christmas break because I needed to figure everything out without distractions. I made it two days. 

It hit me later that I couldn’t imagine a day going by without him. And I knew I really had no choice. I never really had a choice. It was him. Always. 

I came back home for winter break and decided it was Josh/Juliet time and we’re still working on our relationship. We’re figuring things out day by day and we honestly have no clue what we’re doing. 

There are a few things I know for sure:
- he is my best friend
- no one loves me like he does
- it feels right
- this is real.

And it is for this reason that I have no regrets and I would not have changed a single thing about our story. It has made us into the people we are today. It has made us into the pair that we are today.